Inner Critic - Why You Need It and How to Tame It
We all have that little voice inside our heads that seems to know just what to say to make us feel bad about ourselves. Whether it's picking apart our appearance, convincing us we're not good enough, or simply telling us to give up, this inner critic can be downright mean.
But believe it or not, this inner critic isn't all bad. In fact, it can be a helpful tool when used correctly. The problem arises when we allow this inner critic to get the best of us and take over our lives. So how can we tame this inner voice and make it work for us instead of against us? Let's take a look.
What is an Inner Critic?
An inner critic is that little voice inside our heads that seems to know just what to say to make us feel bad about ourselves. It's the part of us that is constantly trying to find fault and convince us that we're not good enough. This inner critic can be very damaging when it's not constructive, but it can also be helpful when used correctly.
How Can an Inner Critic Be Helpful?
While an unhealthy inner critic can tear us down, a healthy inner critic can be a powerful motivator. This voice can push us to reach our full potential and help us become the best versions of ourselves. A healthy inner critic challenges us to do better and strive for greatness. It's only when we allow this voice to get the best of us that it becomes harmful.
Here are 15 common things your inner critic will tell you (that you should not believe)
1. You're not smart enough.
2. You're fat/ugly
3. You're not talented enough.
4. You're not qualified enough.
5. You're not good enough.
6. You don't know what you're doing.
7. You're going to fail.
8. You're going to make a fool of yourself.
9. Everyone is watching and judging you.
10. What if you can't do it?
11. What if you fail?
12. What will people think of you?
13. You're not ready yet.
14. It's too risky
15. You will not fit in
Chances are that you've told yourself at least a few of the things from the list above. And that's okay. Being self-critical is part of our shared human experience and it doesn't make you weak or somehow less of a person.
When you work with your inner critic, the goal is not to get rid of it, but to learn to pay attention and separate yourself from what it is saying.
How Can We Make the Relationship with Our Inner Critic Healthier?
There are several things we can do to make the relationship with our inner critic healthier:
1. Acknowledge its existence: The first step is acknowledging that this voice exists and that it's normal to have some self-doubt from time to time.
2. Don't take everything it says at face value: Just because this voice is saying something doesn't mean it's true. Remember, this voice is coming from a place of fear, so it's not always accurate.
3. Respond with kindness and compassion: Whenever this voice starts speaking up, respond with kindness and compassion instead of anger or frustration. Imagine you're talking to a friend who is going through a tough time—what would you say to them?
4. Practice mindfulness: When you find yourself getting caught up in negative self-talk, take a step back and practice mindfulness. Observe your thoughts without judgment and let them go.
5. Seek professional help: If you find that your relationship with your inner critic is causing you distress or interfering with your life, seek professional help from a therapist or counselor who can assist you in taming this voice.
What types of therapy is effective against quiet your inner critic?
There are a number of coaching and therapy tools that can be used to quiet your inner critic. Some of these include:
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is a type of therapy that helps you identify and challenge the negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to your inner critic.
2. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): ACT helps you accept your inner critic without judgment and work towards meaningful goals despite any self-doubt or fear.
3. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT): DBT teaches you how to tolerate distress and practice self-compassion, which can help you manage your inner critic more effectively.
4. Mindfulness Meditation: Mindfulness meditation can help you observe your thoughts without judgment and let them go. This can be helpful in managing the inner critic.
Simple 4-step process to silence your inner critic
Step 1: Learn more about your inner critic.
If you want to become friends with your inner critic, you need to first uncover what it's saying. Now, this might be really easy for you, or require some effort - both are just fine. This can be done by asking yourself a few questions or just paying attention. For example, you can ask yourself: What do I think I'm not good at? What do I blame myself for? What negative recurring self-talk do I keep experiencing?
Write the answers down, if you have to, but keep in mind that they are just thoughts. Don't take them too seriously.
Step 2: Separate your thoughts
Once you have a better understanding of who your inner critic is and what's it saying, you can start to separate their thoughts from your own. This can be done by acknowledging that the thoughts your inner critic are feeding you are not always true. You can then start to question these thoughts and see if they hold up. For example, if your inner critic tells you that you're not good enough, ask yourself why that might be the case. Are there any facts or evidence to back up this claim? Oftentimes, the thoughts our inner critics tell us are simply not true.
Step 3: Answer your inner critic
After you've separated your thoughts from those of your inner critic, it's time to start answering them. This involves taking the time to refute the negative statements that they make about you. For example, if your inner critic tells you that you're not good enough, take the time to write down all of the things that you've received compliments for or people ask you to help them with. Oftentimes, it's helpful to have a friend or family member help you with this process.
Some questions that might help you:
1. What am I good at?
2. What am I most proud of?
3. What struggles have I overcome in the past?
Step 4: Don't do what your inner critic tells you
It can be really easy to get wrapped up in the thoughts of our inner critic, but it's important to remember that we don't have to act on them. In fact, we should really avoid doing so. After all, these thoughts are just that - thoughts. They aren't always true, and we have the power to choose what we do in spite of them. So, next time your inner critic pipes up, remember that you have the final say in how you act and what you do. Don't let them hold you back.
Writing a love letter to your inner critic
One way to help silence this inner critic is to write a letter of love and appreciation to it. In this letter, thank your inner critic for its efforts to protect you from failure. remind it that you are strong and capable, and assure it that you will handle any challenges that come your way. Writing this letter can help to remind you of your own strengths and give you the courage to face your fears. It can also help to build a more positive relationship with your inner critic, so that instead of tearing you down, it can start working with you to achieve your goals.
You can find an excellent example of "A Love Letter to My Inner Critic" written by Cianna Stewart on her blog "The No Complaining Project".
We've also put together a PDF worksheet that you can use to tease out some ideas that you could write in your own letter. So, if you want to write your own love letter to your inner critic, then use these free therapy tools linked below:
Conclusion
We all have an inner critic—that little voice inside our heads that seems to know just what to say to make us feel bad about ourselves. This voice can be helpful when used correctly, but it can also be damaging when it's not constructive. There are several things we can do to make the relationship with our inner critic healthier, such as responding with kindness and compassion, acknowledging its existence, and practicing mindfulness. If you find that your relationship with your inner critic is causing you distress or interfering with your life, seek professional help from a therapist or counselor who can assist you in taming this voice.
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